


Cookie Catastrophe

by mokayno



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Cookies, Fluff, Gen, JUST, M/M, Reminiscing, Teenagers, They Are Kids, They Have Kids, just pointless fluff really, or something, pure fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-02
Updated: 2013-07-02
Packaged: 2017-12-17 11:49:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/867198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mokayno/pseuds/mokayno
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave reminisces back to a time when his friends and himself were younger. They were the shittiest of little shits.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cookie Catastrophe

**Author's Note:**

> This is a birthday present for my good friend Kou! She knows who she is. I hope you enjoy it, girl! Happy Birthday. :)

You knew better than to call out that you were home, considering the time of night. Quietly, you opened the door to your house closing it just as quietly as you'd opened it. You kicked your shoes off in the hall, and smiled softly at the other pairs of shoes littering the floor space. They always made such a fucking mess.

 You walked quietly through the house toward the kitchen. Damn were you hungry. Working late like this always made you wish you packed extra food for lunch. But then again, you'd probably just wolf it down during lunch anyway. You spot a note on the counter, probably from John. You grin softly at it, leaning on the counter to read what it says.

 “dave, it seems you're working late, again. in the event that you get home before the crack of dawn, there's some leftovers for you in the fridge. i would have left it in the oven, but the last time i did that the oven caught on fire. we really need to get a new one of those. anyway, hope work went well! love, john.”

 You sigh a little. Work had been keeping you out late these days. It's not like you _wanted_ to be out to god knows when. But, the club needed their DJ. That place was like New York condensed into one fucking building. Loud, obnoxious, bar fights at least once a day, and never fucking slept. You rolled in some pretty decent cash there though, so who were you to complain? Although, it slightly pissed you off that you couldn't be around more.

 You looked down at the note again, and grinned at the scribbled heart drawn at the bottom. You knew John wasn't much of an artist, but you also knew he wasn't that bad at drawing. Yep, evidence proves that the one and only Casey Strider-Egbert could have drawn. She was always adding to John's notes in her own way. You tucked the note safely into your back pocket. Your stomach deciding to make itself known by grumbling loudly. Damn, you were hungry.

 You meander over to the fridge, finding the leftovers and sticking them in the microwave to heat it up. Next to the microwave is John's favorite cookie jar. Usually he keeps it filled to the brim with cookies for the kids. Sometimes homemade, usually store bought, and on the rare occasion made by Jane Crocker herself. You lift the lid off the jar carefully, and peer inside. Yep, just as you suspected. It's full. You figure sneaking one cookie wouldn't be the end of the world.

 Taking a bite into the cookie brings you back to when John and yourself were Casey's age. Both of you were the shittiest of little shits. John would always hatch up a scheme, and the rest of you would just follow through with it. Most of the time it got you guys into trouble. You can't seem to stop the smile that appears on your face as one particular memory comes to mind.

* * *

 

You stand behind John as he peeks around the corner into the kitchen. The smell of freshly baked cookies wafting through the air, warming the house. You bounce a little in your spot, unable to contain the excitement you feel. You step closer to John, standing on your toes to see around him into the kitchen, leaning on him to keep your balance.

Inside you seem Aunty Jane walking around the kitchen in her red Betty Crocker apron. On the counter sits a bowl which you know still has cookie dough in it. Beside the bowl you can see a cookie pan with dough laid out, ready to be put into the oven. The excitement in you bubbles even more, until you see Aunty Roxy staring at the two of you from her place at the kitchen table.

You tug on John's shirt, and pull him back around the corner in a slight panic. Does she know what you guys are up to?

“What's wrong, Dave?” John looks at you behind his big, black glasses. His wide blue eyes stare at you in confusion.

“Aunty Roxy saw us looking,” you whisper at him as quietly as you can.

He gasps a little, covering his mouth with his tiny hands. He uncovers his mouth just enough for him to whisper back, “Do you think she suspesks something?”

You go to respond, but notice a large shadow standing behind John. You feel your red eyes widen and you look quickly up to see who it was. You smack at John, and point at the figure standing behind him. He turns around slowly, and you know he's got a stupid shit-eating grin plastered on his face. You do your best to look innocent too.

“What are you kids doing,” Aunty Roxy says as she leans against the door frame the two of you had been peeking around.

“Nothing, Aunty Roxy.” You both say in unison. You do your best to keep the smile on your face.

“Aren't you guys supposed to be watching that movie with Rose and Jade?” she questions, quirking up one of her eyebrows, and crossing her arms. Uh oh. Red alert.

John quickly jumps in to save the day, “We were coming to ask if someone could put a diff'rint movie in, a'cuz Beauty and the Beast is stupid. Everyone but Jade thinks so.” You nod in agreement.

Roxy sighs, peers back in the kitchen, “I'll be right back, apparently Beauty and the Beast is stupid,” she calls out to the others sitting in there.

“Are you kidding? Beauty and the Beast is a brilliant tale of finding love in even the most unusual of suspects. My Jadey is the only one with taste!” the voice of Uncle Jake calls back.

You make a face of disgust, sticking your tongue out. John imitates you, adding in fake puking sounds for extra effect. Romance is dumb, so is love! You and John already promised each other that you guys wouldn't _ever_ fall for something as gross as that.

“Well, apparently the kids don't like it. I'm going to go satisfy their needs. Otherwise, they'll just keep coming back, and we do not need them running in here and seeing the,” She pauses and looks down at the two of you before looking back, “C-O-O-K-I-E-S,” she spells out in a loud whisper.

She turns back to you two, and walks back toward the living room. On the TV, Mrs. Pots is singing to her son. Jade, hanging upside down off the couch, lets off little sniffles. Rose sits on the couch next to her properly. She looks a little bored, her lip curled up a little in disgust at the childish depictions of love.

They both look up as Roxy enters with the two of you following close at her heels. You both squeeze around her, and run toward the couch. Jumping on it, you both fight over who gets to sit by the armrest. You win.

John shouts out, “Aunty Roxy is going to change the movie!”

Jade looks over at him, letting out a soft, “Awwww, it was just getting good.”

Roxy kneels down in front of the VHS movie selection, looking over the titles. Naming them off as she goes along, waiting for all of you to agree on one.

“Mulan?” Roxy says, getting a little exasperated.

“Which ones that one?” you ask loudly.

“The one where the girl pretends to be a boy to fight in the war. There's swords, and fighting and stuff in it.” Roxy replies.

“Is there siiinging?” Jade asks.

“It's a Disney movie, what do you think?”

“A strong female lead character?” Rose asks.

Roxy sighs, “Yes Rosie, darling. Very strong.”

"Is there gross kissing in it?” John asks.

“Maybe at the end.” Roxy shrugs.

John giggles, “eeewwww!!”

“So, can I put this one in the VCR and get back to my game of monopoly?” Roxy asks.

You all shout, “Yes!”

She ejects Beauty and the Beast, and puts it in the rewinder. Then she puts Mulan in, and walks out quickly. You lean over the armrest, doing your best to see out the doorway. When you know for sure she's gone, you turn back to the others and give them a thumbs up.

Jade flips off of the sofa, and digs under it. She pulls out the paper the four of you had been writing on earlier. She crawls back up on the sofa, and you and John scoot down toward the girls. John lays over Roses lap to get a better look, and you sit on Johns back looking down at the paper from above.

John looks thoughtfully at the x's and o's scribbled sloppily on the paper. He points at one, “Aunty Roxy is sitting right in front of the doorway. She saw us right away!”

“So, we're going to need a distaction if we want to get the cookies,” you look over at Jade.

“Why do I always got ta be the distaction?” Jade whines, “Why can't Rose be the distaction?”

Rose wiggles her legs, “Because, they always suspect something when I'm the distraction.”

“Is cuz you're too much of a prissy pants,” You say, “You always give it away!”

“I am not a prissy pants! You're just mad because Uncle Dirk took away your swords for a week,” She pouts.

“Cuz you told on me!”

“Hmph! I want to be a distraction,” She crosses her arms, pursing her lips tightly.

John looks up at her as best he can, then kicks at you. He misses.

“Daave, be nice to Rose! She's the bestest distaction, so is Jade. They can both be distactions,” John looks back down at his scribbled out plan.

Earlier, the four of you had been watching Beauty and the Beast quietly before John announced that he was bored. That was also around the time that the smell of cookies had made it's way into the living room from the kitchen. John had then gotten this grin on his face he only got when he was up to something. He then declared that they were going to sneak some fresh cookies from the cookie jar before dinner.

That's what had led you to where you were now. John and you had gone out on a scouting mission. Sure enough there were cookies, and it looked like it'd be tough to follow through with this plan. Especially, with Aunty Roxy and Big Bro in the way.

“Me and Dave are gonna hide in the hallway closet by the kitshen,” he points at it on his map, “Then Rose and Jade will stay in here. Jade you hafta scream as loud as you can, and pretend that you fell off the couch. Rose, you hafta run inta the kitshen and get the grownd ups to come into the living room. When they're all out of the kitshen, Dave and I will run inside and get the cookies!”

“But, what happens if one of the grown ups stay behind?” Rose asks looking over Johns head at the map.

“Then Dave will be a distaction too! We'll imfrovise.” John says, never one to have a real thought out backup plan for when his plan starts to go wrong.

You scoot off of John, and he sits up. Jade looks at the plan, her face scrunched up in thought.

“What if we get in trouble?” she asks.

“We won't get in trouble, a'cuz we won't get caught. Duuh Jade.” John rolls his eyes at you, “My plan is full-proofed!”

Rose taps her chin, “Hmm...Yes I feel like there's not much that could go wrong with this. How long do we wait for?”

John grins, knowing that if Rose thinks his plan is full-proof then it must be!

“Me and Dave are gonna sneak over to the closet now,” he looks over at the television, “When this song is over, you guys do your distaction."

The girls nod in agreement. Jade crawls off of the couch, and pushes the map back under it so the adults won't know what's going on. John scoots off the couch, grabbing your arm and pulling you with him. He puts a finger to his lips, scrunching his eyebrows together to signal that you gotta be quiet.

You nod, and readjust your pointy anime shades. He looks into the hallway quietly. When the coast is clear the two of you tiptoe quickly down the hall. You both stop before the opening into the kitchen. John pokes his head around the corner quietly, and nods back at you that the coast is again clear. Hand still holding your arm, he pulls you quickly past the doorway toward the hallway closet.

It's not too long after that a blood curdling scream is heard from down the hall. You and John cover your ears even from behind a closed door. You hear Rose's feet padding down the hall quickly. Now that Jade's scream is finished, you press your ear against the door to hear Rose tell the adults that Jade fell off the couch.

“We heard, what the fuck happened?” Panicked voices shout out toward Rose.

You can't hear Rose's explanation, but it's not soon after that there's loud footsteps rushing down the hall. You wait on bated breath, counting to ten in your head. You look back at John, and he nods his head from between the coats. You open the door, and peek out. The coast is clear.

Leading the way, you and John sneak back toward the kitchen. You look around the corner and you see Big Bro sitting at the table, back to you with his arms crossed. Oh no, red alert!! You put your hand on Johns chest. You look over at him, and try to tell him with hand motions alone that Big Bro was keeping guard.

He looks at you confused, so you sigh and whisper to him, “The dragon is in the nest. I'll go defeat him, wait here!” You point at the floor, showing him where to stay.

You run into the kitchen, screaming as loud as you can, toward the cookies on the counter. Just as you suspected, Big Bro quickly picks you up by your shirt. You flail your limbs, yelling loudly. You're not even saying words, just shouting out loud noises.

Big Bro doesn't say anything, he just holds you up staring at you through his own pointy shades.

“Bloody Hell! What's gotten into these ki-” you hear Uncle Jake's voice as he comes into the kitchen. You think you see Jade clinging to his back, “What's gotten his knickers in a twist!?”

“Fuck if I know,” Big Bro responds, not looking away from you.

“AHHH!!!!!!!” You scream in his face, continuing to flail your limbs. You're not entirely sure what you're hoping to accomplish, but you just hope it works.

Big Bro sighs, switching you to his other arm. You dangle in his grip, giving out a few more hopeless kicks and swings.

Aunty Roxy and Rose walk in next. Rose looks over at you, and you can tell she's trying to hide her giggles. Stupid prissy pants tattletale! She looks up at Aunty Roxy, and tugs on her skirt. Aunty Roxy goes from looking at you with bewilderment, to looking down at Rose in question.

Soon after, Aunty Jane walks in John in her arms. You can't see Big Bros face, but you can see the other three faces. They all look mildly miffed, but confused.

“What on earth has gotten into you kids today?” Aunty Jane pipes up when all the commotion has settled down a little.

You hang limply in Big Bros arms, having given up on escape.

“Somebody better explain what the hell is going on,” Aunty Roxy puts a hand on her hip. You know she means business when she does that. But, you won't be labeled as the tattletale!

You see John's face change from one of defeat to that shit-eating grin of his. You know he's up to something. Quickly, his expression changes again to a slight pout with big puppy dog eyes. He looks up at Aunty Jane.

“Janey, we jus' was wonering if we could has a taste of cookie afore dinner?” He blinked repeatedly for good measure.

“Yah, cookies!!” Jade added, throwing her arms up into the air.

Aunty Jane couldn't help her smile at how cute she clearly thought John was, before she tried to muster it into something more stern looking.

“Jonathan. Did you and your friends go through all of this trouble to get some cookies?” She asked with her adult voice.

He nods, a full out pout on his face.

She sighs, “Well,” She looks around the room at the other adults for approval, “I don't think one little cookie would hurt anything?”

A chorus of “Yays!” sound through the kitchen. You do your best to cheer, but it's hard when all you can really do is dangle.

“But,” you hear Big Bro say above you, “your punishment is you have to eat all your vegetables. Without complaint.”

The shouts of joy quickly turn into groans of disgust.

 “Vegetables are gross!”

“I really don't mind eating my vegetables.”

“Icky!! Jaaaake, do I really!!??”

“Fiiiiiine.”

Back in the living room, the four of you sit quietly cookies in hand. On the screen, Mulan causes an avalanche, as John elbows you. He grins at you, holding up his cookie.

“I told you I'd get us some cookies before dinner,” he says.

“Yah, but now we gotta eat our nasty vegetables, John!” Jade cries out and throws a pillow at him.

John blinks at her, looking slightly dumbfounded. Then he grins before yelling, “Pillow fight!!”

The four of you quickly dissolve into a fit of giggles, and pillows.

* * *

 

You grin to yourself as the microwave dings, signaling that your dinner is ready to be eaten. Cookie dangling from your mouth, you take it out. You only burn your fingers a little. You set your plate on the kitchen counter, where the note had been. Then go to dig for a fork.

“You're home earlier than usual,” a tired voice comes from the doorway to the kitchen. You grin, and look over at John leaning against the doorway in his PJ's. He yawns at you, before slouching over to you.

“Did I wake you up?” You watch as he leans back against the counter, yawning yet again. You take a bite out of your dinner, even re-heated it tastes amazing.

He shakes his head, “Nah, couldn't sleep really. Nikky keeps waking up. How was work?”

“Was the usual. You know that piece of shit I was telling you about the other night? The one that kept hitting on that one girl? Well, I guess she finally got tired of his come ons and broke his nose on the dance floor. Fucking blood everywhere. They let me come home early cuz of it.” You take another bite of your food.

“Wow, that's really awful, Dave. I wish you'd find somewhere _else_ to DJ at.” John replies, scooting closer to you.

“Mmm,” you hum through your mouthful of food, and swallow before continuing, “Don't sweat it. I was already thinking that maybe I'd try my hand at something else. Ain't fair to you and the kids.”

John smiles at you softly, before a yawn cuts through, “Goddamn, I'm tired as fuck. It's all cold and junk in bed without you,” he wraps his arms around your waist and snuggles into your shoulder. It's a little awkward, but you don't mind.

You grin, “Remember when we scared the shit outta our sibs just cuz we wanted cookies?” you ask quietly.

He laughs gently, “We were such little shits.”

“The shittiest of little shits.”

“Not only that, but we broke our promise!” John snorts.

“Which one?”

“The one where we promised each other we'd never do anything as gross as fall in love.”

“Eh, well considering it was with each other, I think it kind of cancels out the breaking of said promise.”

He nuzzles into your shoulder again, “Haha, I guess so. Hurry up and eat so we can get some sleep before Nikky wakes back up.”

“Yah yah,” you say as you shove more food into your mouth.

“Also, you're putting her back to bed next time she wakes up. It's punishment for having a shitty ass job.”

You grin. Something you can't seem to stop yourself from doing around your family. You're really going to need to think of a career change. You don't want to miss anything anymore. You found your old dead-things collection from back when you were a kid the other day, perhaps you'd go back to school and make that old hobby into some kind of career.

Just before you could voice any of these thoughts aloud to John, though, Nikky's soft cry comes from down the hall. John groans softly from his spot on your shoulder. He probably had just started falling asleep there.

“I'll get her,” you say softly, “You go back to bed, and I'll meet you there.”

You pry his hands from your waist gently, and he lifts his head from your shoulder unwillingly. He pouts up at you, and you lean down to kiss him softly. You've found it to be one of the only efficient ways to make his pout disappear. He grins sleepily up at you after you pull away.

 You nudge him toward the door, and grin as he shuffles down the hallway. _Yah,_ you think to yourself as you watch him, _I definitely need a career change._

**Author's Note:**

> I just want to make a note that the Alphas are not actually adults. But, because the Betas are like around the ages of 4 or 6 in this, they see the Alphas as being adults. Because they're just so OLD! Also, I got the rough idea for this fic from this: http://putoshop.tumblr.com/post/54023022351/redraws-of-some-really-bad-doodles-from-last-year Such a cute photoset, oh my gosh!! (also the kids say "aunty" and "uncle" but they're not really aunts or uncles? it's just a kid thing i thought would be cute.) OKAY! Back to working on my other fics I go! :) Have a great day everyone!!


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